He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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