You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
