were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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