The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
