Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
