Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
