____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
please come you make the beer taste better
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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