I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
