Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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