so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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