You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
