i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm always down for nudity.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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