If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Found the puke drawer
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to make out with him forever
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Two words: blizzard sex
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
