New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize