Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
