I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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