I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
