He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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