Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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