She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
