What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
