9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize