I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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