It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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