i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
