Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
