does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
