Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
