I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
