Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
