There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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