tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
