Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
