I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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