i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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