the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
