Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
