I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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