wanna go halves on a baby?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
