Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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