i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
someone owes me an orgasm
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
