dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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