if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
