By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
