I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
