I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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