there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
