it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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