somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
