Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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