I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
