Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize