One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
