Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
