I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
