the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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