How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
