I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She bit a glass in half.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
