then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
