Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
