so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
