I accidentally had phone sex last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
