I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
