More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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