Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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