shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
