either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
